Symbiotic Inter-species Relationships

Whether it's the clownfish and sea anemone, the oxpecker and the rhino, or the shark and the remora fish, nature is filled with symbiotic inter-species relationships. Probably the greatest of any such relationship is that of the art student and the domestic cat. This mutualistic relationship is characterized by ultimate devotion and affection. This relationship begins when the art student realizes that their life is meaningless and not worth living without an animal companion. The artist then looks online at local humane society websites reading about the available cats. After weeks of searching the artist narrows his or her list down to a couple of different cats, and proceeds to meet them. The artist and cat will know when the match is right. Typically this initial interaction results in both the artist and the cat purring. Then the adoption process begins. The art student must be crafty here. Most art students rent, and landlords usually have a two cat maximum rule on the lease, so the addition of a seventh cat will get tricky. Many humane societies call your landlord to make sure you can have the additional animal, so I would recommend giving a false phone number. Have a friend answer when the humane society calls, and have them lie about the six cats you already have. Now you're ready to take the cat home. The formation of the symbiotic relationship is in the works. A name is crucial for the cat. It needs to have its own identity, and preferably one that pleases you. Names I would recommend are Soygurt, Yodel, Tinsel, Gypsy, Crislin, Nicholas, or Precious. As the new cat gets used to its surroundings, it will want to eat, play, and snuggle. The artist will also want to do these things, for it's in our nature. The artist feeds the cat high-quality pet food, plays with the cat using toys crafted from dowels, small beanbags, and string, and snuggles with the cat while he or she attempts to finish the several books he or she has started. The symbiosis is forming. As the cat gets pleasure and nourishment from the art student, the art student gets companionship, love, drifting fur tumbleweeds, and small boxes of feces in his or her apartment. The two become closer and closer to a point where it is mentally difficult to be apart from each other. The cat then will sleep on your face creating maximum comfort for both. While in the studio the artist will be distraught over not being near the cat, and will spend his or her day online shopping for cat t-shirts, watching YouTube cat videos, or browsing the cat selection at local humane societies.

Black Holes

For years researchers have been trying to create black holes in laboratories. Their approach has been with the use of particle accelerators, which smash particles together in an attempt to create such a hole. There is a much easier approach. Despite popular belief, a particle accelerator is not necessary. All you need is a drill, a good drill bit, and some India ink. You start by finding a surface on which to work. I would recommend wood. You then plug in your drill and find an appropriate drill bit. These range in size, so you can make your black hole as large or small as you would like. Place your drill bit into the drill and make a hole into your surface. When your hole is to your liking, take a brush and some India ink and apply it to your hole. I would recommend either Speedball ink or Sumi ink, for they have the deepest black. Allow about ten minutes to dry. You have just created a black hole without the use of high-priced technology.

Evolution

The popular belief is that we are all made in the image of a divine artist. It seems to be a simple way for artists to explain why they are so great as well as removing themselves from the natural world. This couldn't be further from the truth. Evolution is more than just a theory, its an actuality and we are all the product of it. Evolution begins upon going to an undergraduate art school. Here the artist learns crucial skills and behaviors under the guidance of highly-evolved artists. As the artist builds his or her skills, he or she either evolves or drops out of art school and dies, which prevents the under-evolved artist from reproducing and passing along his or her genes. The evolution culminates into a thesis exhibition, and while it's unremarkable, it's important to realize that the artist is still young and evolving. The next phase is applying to an art graduate program. After applying, there is a period of, "Natural Selection," where artists are either accepted and continue their evolution or a rejection where the artist dies off and fails to pass along the genes of a successful artist to his or her offspring. Once the artist begins his or her graduate work, he or she is put into a, "Survival of the Fittest" scenario where a series of critiques determines which artists are more highly evolved than their peers. The more highly adapted artists continue to evolve in their work and skills whereas the artists who have not sufficiently evolved are removed from the program and die out. The next phase of evolution is a graduate thesis exhibition. Leading up to this point artists continue to evolve, trying to utilize new skills and behaviors, while still engaging in the struggle of surviving. At this point, many artists die out, leaving only the most adapted artists behind. The thesis exhibition is a cataclysmic event similar to the meteorite that killed off the dinosaurs. Only 1% of the most highly evolved artists will survive afterwards, whereas the rest either die off or get a series of low-paying and unrelated jobs, both of which prevent the under-evolved artists from passing on their inferior genes to their offspring.

Physics: Moving Sculpture

The contemporary sculptor is faced with many problems daily. One such problem is the moving of large-scale and/or heavy work. Whether it be concrete covered trees, life-size ceramic figures, or crates filled with hundreds of bones, it needs to be moved at some point. "How does one complete such a task?" you may wonder. A firm understanding of physics is crucial. One might think an elaborate system of pulleys, the use of momentum, chemical reactions, or explosives would be the answer, but there is a far better method. You start by getting 3-4 of your best, 3-dimensionally gifted friends, a couple carts, and several bungees. Do not ask anyone who works exclusively with two dimensions for they do not fully understand the third (or fourth) dimensions. After you've gathered your crew and supplies you are ready to move the sculpture. You have everyone pick a side and lift any way they can, being sure not to focus on proper lifting technique. That takes up too much time, and the sculpture needs to be moved, and preferably quickly considering artists have important obligations such as yoga and swimming in the pool. Once the piece is elevated, move as fast as you can towards the cart, remember that gravity is working against you. Place the sculpture on the cart and proceed to bungee it down. Now the piece is far more mobile and you can push it to it's final destination. Upon arrival repeat the lifting process and situate the piece into it's final resting place. Once complete proceed to the refridgerator for a beer. Check for future posts by Nate explaining the physics behind moving sculpture across uneven train tracks with trains approaching from multiple directions.

Time and Space: Creating an "Archival Moment"

Making an artist book is not an easy task, especially when you're using mud, plaster, grass, pastel dust, and paint on burlap. One must ask his or her self how long will a book like this be in existence until it ultimately deteriorates into a pile of dust. The solution came from a sculptor mentor who told me to find an, "Archival Moment." At first I was quite confused, "What does this contradictory statement mean?" My initial hypothesis involved ripping a hole in time and space to achieve such a grand state of existence. So I went to the sketchbook, but unfortunately with the constraints of a 15x20 ft. poorly-lit studio and about two weeks to finish the project, I realized that it was impossible to actually rip a hole in time and space. I reformulated my hypothesis to explore different materials and both their archival and momentary properties. The solution came by way of glue, and Elmer's at that! I decided to pick up a gallon of it at a local art supply store and just, "play around" with it. I experimented with pouring, smearing, and brushing it onto surfaces. To my surprise it created a stiff, waterproof, clear, and impenetrable coating that dried rather quickly. It was at this point that I realized I had discovered the elusive, "Archival Moment" and quickly replicated the experiment on the pages of my book.

Cloning

So the popular belief is that it's called cloning, well it's actually called making multiples. You start by finding an object you would like to make an exact replica of and then you make a mold. Although this seems like a huge feat, it is actually quite easy. You first start by smearing vaseline all over the object, make sure you keep a large amount of paper towel on hand because you will get very greasy, and it's quite unpleasant. When done with that, you use some clay and make a wall that divides the object into two halves. You will need to be crafty in the way you place your wall on the object as to prevent undercuts, which will cause you problems later. Once the clay divides your object in half, you will need to apply a mold making rubber to one side. You can invest in pricey "art mold making" products that will cost you about $100 a gallon, or I've found that bottles of household silicone from the Home Depot work just as well. Apply the rubber evenly to half of the object making sure it completely covers you surface with no holes or air bubbles. Then you wait a few days for it to dry. Once it has dried you're ready for the plaster. Start by cutting some burlap into strips as this will help strengthen your mold. Mix a bucket of plaster and while it is still semi-watery use a brush and coat the rubber-covered half with a thin coat of plaster. Then soak your burlap in it and apply. As the plaster continues to thicken continue adding it to the object until it's about an inch thick. This half of the object should be completely covered with plaster until you cannot see anymore rubber. Allow plaster to dry and then remove your clay wall. Now you're ready to repeat the steps on the other half of your object. When done, split your two sides in half and remove your object. You now have a mold where you can make multiples, or "clone." Apply a thin coat of watered-down Murphy's Oil Soap to the inside of the rubber as this works as a mold release. Clamp the two halves together and poor in a plaster mixture. Allow it time to set, it will vary depending on the size of the mold. Once it's set crack your mold open, remove your "clone," and repeat until you have a desired amount of "clones."